Lucy Anderton

My Answer on Dissociation

Dissociation is an attempt to manage
the experience of being abused.
–The Survivor’s Guide To Sex
Those heads floating away on
the end of a balloon string?
That is it also. And the
way I fall to looking like
a blank faced stone cat while you
fluff me like a pillow. You
wonder at those women found
elegantly crashed into
treetrunks and cut up beds? We
thread through this cocked up fabric,
isolated orbs clipping
around you. Tender full lipped
mines in this glass meadowed land.
(To tell the truth? I cannot
drive over bridges, my hands,
they steam with my urges
to fly). It is the droppings
of things… Lashes. Heartbeats.
The slippings of butter knives
into sad skin. The muffled
comings of me to your door
again. I become two. One
under you and the flying
of One above us. Can’t you
feel me watching? The knocking
of your body rarely gets
answered and you cannot stop.
(Or you just don’t). It’s the porn
below a bed. The plunge of
hand through windowpane and cheek.
A slippery wrist with ginger
fingers. It is the ease with
which I read this from a stage.

Lucy Anderton
My Answer on Dissociation first appeared in ACM: Another Chicago Magazine, Issue #39.
Poem, copyright © Lucy Anderton, 2005
Appearing on the Fishouse with permission
Audio file, copyright © 2005, From the Fishouse